This negative, destructive, extremely painful and unhealthy feeling, which arises when it seems that the closest person is not attentive enough to you, is known to a greater or lesser degree to almost everyone. Jealousy often takes perverted, insane forms when a person thinks and fantasizes about where, when, with whom and how his partner is cheating on him.
The partner of the jealous, against his will, becomes involved in these "games" of the sick mind. Thus he begins to have to defend himself, to justify himself in what he has not actually done. Such endlessly recurring situations in no way contribute to strengthening the relationship. Therefore, the question of how to get rid of jealousy is always relevant.
the feeling that destroys the human psyche
Anyone can be jealous, for everything and at any age. The child is jealous of his parents by his younger brother or sister, and the teenage girl is jealous of her best classmate. But childish jealousy is a completely normal phenomenon that disappears when receiving attention from parents or friends and eventually disappears with age. No adequate adult will forbid his mother to communicate with a neighbor or his friends to communicate with colleagues, but here the jealous man in love never has enough attention.
The jealous every time again demands attention more and more in unlimited quantities. Adult jealousy is conditioned by the state of complete integration of the other person, with even the slightest switching of the half's attention to another object, provoking violent protests and vulnerable self-esteem. Therefore, it can be said with certainty that the roots of jealousy lie in pride.
Such a chronic tendency to jealousy
is compared with disease.
The chronic jealous person is also not happy and is not able to overcome his emotions, which arise from his claims to full and exclusive "possession" of the object of his adoration. These claims are constantly appearing and there are often no real reasons for them. The jealous man lives in constant fear of loss. It constantly seems to him that someone else is stealing the love of his most important person and is not able to endure such experiences, so he is in a constant state of stress, anger, rage and insult, which push him to inappropriate and unreasonable actions. .
According to statistics, feelings of jealousy have been confirmed to one degree or another in almost half of the world's population, with 27% of men and 23% of women suffering from hypertrophied jealousy.
People with such emotions live on average 10-12 years less than those who do not subject themselves to these strong emotions. After family money scandals, jealousy comes second. And often these and other scandals end in the destruction of the family, and the children suffer from it. Therefore, with jealousy - with the monster with green eyes, as it is often called, it is absolutely necessary and can be fought.
I'm jealous -
doesn't mean he loves me
There is a common stereotype - he is jealous of me, so he loves me. And many women begin to doubt their partner's feelings if there is no jealousy in their relationship. In practice, however, this opinion is as true as it is "he beats me, so he loves me." There is nothing good about jealousy and it has nothing to do with love. Love is a gratuitous feeling when the goal is to make the other person feel good.
Love gives everything and in return demands nothing.
It is a bright, positive feeling and can have nothing to do with jealousy and violence. The myth "jealous of me and beats me - so he loves me" was invented by people seeking to occupy a special position, humiliating their loved ones. The jealous man has two ways to gain the approval of his adored object and to make sure that he does not want to look the other way: to endlessly demand to be faithful to him, to be like a puppy at his feet all the time, or to made an effort to change his partner to have her. Hardened jealous people often ruin their marriages in this way.
Jealous people are people who are not confident.
Their behavior is driven by fear of loss and the resulting loneliness. It is the fear of loneliness, not love, that makes them want to keep their partner by any means and often lose their whole life in a ruined relationship with their partner, which is ultimately unnecessary.
Unlike women, men can be jealous of their spouse even from their common children, considering that half pay far more attention to children than to him. Men's jealousy manifests in the keen desire of men to exercise maximum control over their wife and to completely limit her freedom. The jealous does everything to prevent his companion from doing makeup, dressing beautifully, meeting friends. The ideal option for him would be for the woman to have no friends.
The roots of women's jealousy in most cases stem from low self-esteem. Jealousy needs constant confirmation from the partner of its importance and attractiveness to it. She demands constant confirmation from her that she is the most beautiful and interesting in comparison with other women.
Let's formulate more precisely the main reasons
making people jealous of each other:
- Fear of losing their property. Egoism evokes feelings of ownership and too wild a fantasy, which in the jealous person plays out scenarios above all without grounds and occasions.
- Fear of loneliness and social disorder. It seems to the jealous that they will not be able to exist normally (morally or materially) without their partner.
- Low self-esteem. The reasons for jealousy often lie in the uncertainty in their appearance and charm.
- Children's complexes. Many jealous people build their relationships on the example of their parents, where the father or mother is constantly jealous of each other.
How to get rid of jealousy forever
Jealousy is related to illness, and getting rid of that feeling on your own is quite complicated, because in order to learn how to manage it, it is necessary, above all, to adequately eliminate the causes of its occurrence and to realize the whole unpromising nature of jealousy leading to an abyss. Therefore, like any other treatment, the solution is to seek specialist help. If this is not possible, then the following, consisting of several steps, may be attempted:
1. To begin with, one must realize that there is a problem with jealousy and honestly accept this fact. Such awareness for men is especially difficult.
2. It is then necessary to understand the causes of jealousy in your particular case. After determining the reasons, without blame, calmly and as softly as possible, you should talk to half of the experiences you are experiencing.
3. It is necessary to realize that your doubts, provoking jealousy, can be wrong and you should be ready to listen and accept the point of view of your partner. If mistrust still persists, check your doubts. You will soon be convinced that you were wrong.
When you finally decide to overcome your jealousy, take a few days to make a written list of situations that could provoke a bout of jealousy in you. Consider all options in detail and without rushing. Arrange them in order of increasing emotional tension - from the least to the most unpleasant for you. Compiling such a list can take several days. Don't get bored. Think about it well.
Once this list is ready, the most important and difficult part is to be done: to enjoy the relaxing music, to settle down comfortably and one after the other, to experience each of these situations in as much detail as possible. He should not move on to the next situation until the full range of unpleasant sensations has been experienced. The whole list does not have to be survived in one day, and there will be no benefit to it. Gradually, such a methodology helps to get rid of a sense of jealousy for a partner.
As strong and all-consuming as jealousy may be,
you can always deal with it, and the main thing is to sincerely want it.
Each of us is able to ask questions about how to get rid of jealousy and take control of our feelings. You must love yourself and believe that you are good on your own and worthy of love. At some point you will really understand that you can accept yourself as you are and be confident in your own strength. This will eliminate the need to try to make love by doing it to someone else and eliminate the need to constantly keep your partner close to you.
Some tips from ex-jealous
Once you are aware of yourself and have worked on your feelings, you can take your relationship to a new, uncontrollable jealousy level. In order not to regain that self-destructive feeling, you can arm yourself with the following simple rules:
- constantly develop and strengthen your self-sufficiency;
- build a relationship with your partner based on mutual trust;
- spend a lot of time together, but do not intrude unnecessarily and give each other freedom within reasonable limits;
- find for yourself an interesting occupation or hobby that will take the place of jealousy in your free time and thoughts;
- like yourself as you are;
- treat jealousy as one of the many human emotions, do not let it be the only one in your relationship;
- do not give in to hysteria about your loved one - aggression will not help you keep him, but will only scare and repel him;
- be honest, tell your partner about your fears and ask him not to provoke you;
- treat your partner's feelings with respect;
Getting rid of jealousy
requires great inner strength and is time consuming. Arm yourself with patience.
Jealousy, like any other passion, needs to be curbed. The question of how to get rid of it forever, it is necessary to approach logically. Distrust has not made any family happy. You should never compare yourself with others.
There are over 6 billion people on Earth, and there will always be someone smarter or prettier than you, but that doesn't mean your partner dreams of replacing you with someone else. Your partner has already made his choice in your favor and is with you. This means that you are needed and your partner finds something in you that others do not have. The most important thing for the preservation of the relationship - learn from your previous mistakes, act wisely and be able to compromise.
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Translated into Bulgarian under the conditions of the source: psychologist Lyudmila Boyanova
Translation copyright is reserved! No part of this translation may be used in any form whatsoever without the written permission of the translator!
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