Why do so many women who dream of a lavish wedding and family happiness from an early age eventually become lovers of married men? Strange, but for some women such a fate seems to be predetermined by fate itself. Of course, they are not to blame for the fact that the man they have loved so far has already been married.
Sometimes the potential mistress does not even know about it, and other times she knows, but completely absorbed in her feelings, she attaches little importance to the fact of the marriage. And without resistance, she accepted the status of "mistress of a married man."
They decide to live for today, and then whatever happens!
Anything can happen.
However, the fact that the man is married means that he is not free and his relationship with his mistress he usually tries to build not to the detriment of his family. Not everyone can withstand this. How to behave a woman who suddenly (or not suddenly) became the mistress of a married man?
What it means to be a married man's lover
Why do women become lovers? After all, the trap of a novel with a married man is very insidious. After the romantic, completely rejecting all sober thoughts reflections on the period of the relationship, comes a bitter insight: "I have nothing to dream about, because he is with another." A burning, unbearably painful jealousy also awakens. It can't be otherwise. Yes, usually married men tell their lovers that the physical and spiritual connection with the wife has long been lost. But only very naive women will believe that a lover's intimate relationship with his wife does not exist. In fact, his legitimate fiancée has more rights to this intimate relationship.
There are holidays that the married man
spends with his family.
There are calls to his wife during your meetings and you hear him slightly guilty of gently answering her: "Yes, darling, I'll be home soon!". There is a nervous look at the clock, finally, there is much, much more… And it all screams: “It is not yours! You are his mistress, not his wife! ” Such a fact becomes painful and rare meetings no longer bring the satisfaction that was at the very beginning of the acquaintance. Internally, at first it matures quietly, and then grows to gigantic proportions, sweeping away all thoughts, the question: “Will he divorce or not? Does he love me or is he just playing with me? ”
A woman does not need to be a scientist to predict the course of events when she risks becoming the mistress of a busy man. For temporary, overnight girlfriends, we will not talk - such a relationship, if they bring suffering, it is rare. And as a perspective we will not consider them at all. Why does a woman complicate her life so much, calming down with hopes and at the same time realizing that everything that happens is nothing more than illusions? And that the mistress of a married man can hardly be sure of a happy future with him?
Will the man go to his lover
Do married men go to their lovers? Happens. But rarely. And the point is not that they have no feelings for them. It happens that they have and even are very strong. But even those in love turn out to be weak when it comes to divorcing his wife. For many men, life changes are tantamount to a natural disaster. And they do not seek to rearrange their lives. In order for the thought of marrying a mistress to arise, the thought of divorce must first arise. A married man must be ready for a divorce long before meeting another woman. Otherwise, the question "should I go to my mistress" will not be immediately before him, and may never be.
Why, however, do women throw themselves into the arms of married men if, even in the depths of their souls, they understand that the novel will be complex and often times and futile? The reasons are different.
Types of Married Men's Lovers
There are several types of lovers.
- Mistress - masochist
This is a woman who is impressed by the position of a victim. In her relationship with the married man, she understands everything, accepts everything and agrees with everything. The masochist listens with sympathy, tenderness and love to the outpourings of the married man about how unhappy he is in his family, perceiving him as a noble and strong man. This is the ideal mistress for a married man who sincerely believes that the lover does not divorce his wife and suffers "this disgrace", but only because he feels indebted to the children (parents, his sick wife, etc.).
She is convinced that she cannot build her own happiness on someone else's misfortune and does not seek to destroy someone else's family at all. The man with such a woman loves to play on nobility. He abandons her from time to time to give her a chance to eventually make her own personal life. The devoted masochist suffers a lot in such periods, but she can't even think about starting her own family. And when the beloved returns, she accepts him again, shining with happy eyes. This is a very comfortable type of mistress, with whom the relationship can last for many years.
- Mistress - hysterical
This woman likes strong feelings. Hysterics are usually bright, self-confident, independent, those who can arrange their personal lives. If they want it. But they don't want to. They are adventurous and do not think about their lives without risky situations, that is why they choose married men as the object of their passion, and they are able to constantly create these risky situations.
The psychology of the mistress is based on aggression and she keeps her chosen one in tension all the time, sometimes flirting with someone else in front of his eyes, sometimes disappearing for a few days, sometimes calling his wife… The fantasy of the mistress - hysterical knows no bounds and can do whatever pleases her.
A love affair with her is not for every man. The relationship develops quickly, without delay and unambiguously. She is not able to maneuver - she needs to win at any cost, even if she breaks her head on the way to her goal. Numbers with a sense of duty and responsibility to children do not pass here.
And whoever wants to stay married, must stay away from her and run through his head in another direction! The attacks of aggression in the mistress - hysterical are replaced by tenderness, and the carrot and the stick hold the man better than any waterfall of incessant caresses.
Once he stepped on a minefield, so he needed a dose of adrenaline. But with such a woman, being married will only be until he is completely exhausted. It is unknown to anyone when this moment will occur.
The most paradoxical behavior of hysterical lovers is this: if a married man suddenly wants to leave his family, they immediately cut off their contact with him. The object becomes uninteresting.
- Mistress - "eternal bride"
Such a woman, with a refined nature, is unable to perceive the world pragmatically. She seeks only the prince and finds in him all the features of strength and courage, but alas, in married men who play the role of the one who needs an "eternal bride". Often he does not play this role at all. It's just that in a relationship with his mistress, every man unknowingly becomes condescending. It can't be otherwise.
After all, she is so trusting and naive, so reverent to him, that he feels with her like a noble knight! The "eternal bride", looking at him, is delighted: here he is, her prince! And at the same time he does not think at all about the fact that he has a family. And, in general, she still has it, because next to her is him, such a reliable, experienced and sublime man!
The mistress - "eternal bride" is looking for a man who would take responsibility for her future. She can't and doesn't want to make any decisions, so, as a protective wall and support, a married knight suits her. Her main rules of life are the striving to prevent the destructive reality in her fragile inner world.
She almost sincerely believes that once a loved one is with her, there is always only a bright future ahead of them. He prefers not to think about his wife and children. And once this fact makes her change her behavior and thoughts, she is amazed, scared and often starts behaving like a complete hysteric. He showered the man with reproaches, called his wife, complained about his insidiousness to his friends, cried and called for sympathy.
- Mistress - mother
It is about a woman to whom the man rests physically and spiritually. Away from solving endless daily problems and tired of his wife's demands, in the house of his mistress - mother, he finds peace. No one gets on his head, no one forces him to make money, throws out the garbage, nails nails… Wrapped in care and love, he seems to dissolve in the hands of his mistress, feeling completely safe.
The rules of the mistress - mother are based on the principle of "do no harm". She won't bother with divorce questions, she won't ask where he's been gone for so long, she won't call his wife, and she won't blame him for anything. She will treat him to delicious food, will provide unforgettable sex… Complete idyll: divorce, stay here forever! After all, at home there is a quarrelsome woman serving ready meals from the store and children who require regular attention.
But no, no! He returns to his wife and children to break his nerves and then comes here again to recover. Why ?! Yes, everything is simple. After all, men understand that this calm coziness can be a carefully constructed trap. And finally, when they fall into the clutches of the mistress - mother, who knows what her care and attention will become… Maybe the new family life will be much worse than the previous one. So why risk and get divorced if it's not bad anyway?
Why do women become lovers of married men
These are the most common types of women who attach themselves to married men without much moral distress. There are still women, women who only need sex, women who are only interested in money, and so on. But we're not talking about them now. We are talking about those who insist on romances with married men with a desire for love. All of them, deep down, harbor the hope of becoming the wife of their chosen one, and very often this does not happen.
The psychological profile of these relationships is different. A complex object of desire is chosen by the woman because she subconsciously strives to overcome obstacles. The overcoming is accompanied by internal tension, which is removed from the encounter with the beloved and appears in separation with him, then again removed and again forced, etc. And often the main role is played not by the man's attitude towards his mistress, but by the very fact that their relationship is forbidden.
And if it's love, after all
At the same time, among the lovers there are women who manage to seriously fall in love with a married man and really hope that one day he will belong only to them. If they belong to the category of masochistic lovers, dreams can only come true. when the lawful wife leaves her husband alone. Hysterical lovers can hardly count on a successful outcome of the relationship. What sane man would agree to turn his life into hell?
Even if he divorces, he will try to find a quiet haven, not to throw himself into a stormy sea! Do they marry lovers - "eternal brides"? Only if love for a man is one of life's priorities. Which, admittedly, is a rarity. The mistress-mother has a good chance of becoming a lawful wife, but only if she proves that her loyalty and care are sincere.
Conclusion: to end a marriage with a married man, much effort must be put into it.
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Translated into Bulgarian under the conditions of the source: psychologist Lyudmila Boyanova
Translation copyright is reserved! No part of this translation may be used in any form whatsoever without the written permission of the translator!
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